The Difference between a Domina and a Bizarrlady

Germany is well known for its openness towards sex of all kinds, it is one of the few countries that legalized selling a sexual service and at least tries to protect the rights of sexworkers (I will not be getting into a political debate here, promise!).

The foreign BDSM lover, especially those from the Anglo-American area are often baffled by the choice they have here as clients. You can meet professional subs, maids, dominas, bizarrladies, fetishqueens, playpartners, tantradominas and so forth. SM is a playful and very diverse activity that is interpreted differently by those engaging in it, so a huge variety of professional service providers is a plus, right?
Compared to other countries it is also quite easy to browse through the different profiles and websites, compare statements by clients and get in contact with the sexworker of your dreams and negotiate your play.

Most likely you will also stumble about two main categories, the ladies use to clasify themselves: Domina and Bizarrlady. But what the hell is the difference?

Here comes Lady Velvet Steel to the rescue, I will explain this to you once and for all.

A Domina, or Dominatrix, is a classic FemDom BDSM player. We do, what you expect a Domina to do: we create intense playscenes, explore your personal universe of pain and restriction with you, spank you, tie you, clamp you, extract a variety of liquids out of your body and what not. But we (I identify as a classic Dominatrix, hence the “we”) will not be touched by you, unless you may be granted the grace to massage our feet, or feel our powerful hands on your body when we wrestle you to the floor (Beware, many classic dominas exclude this sort of play from their services, I am the exception here). In short: a Domina only allows erotic contact from one direction, we manipulate you in any way we want, but you will not be able to see, feel or taste any intimate parts of our bodies.

A Bizarrlady is way more approachable. BDSM comes in many colors, and for many people a good dose of erotics became part of their own SM sexuality. They want to long for the exposed voluptous breasts of the otherwise tough gouvernante that disciplines them, or frolic around with the fetishgirl naked that seizes the opportunity to tie the guy down and (consensualy) molest him in lustful ways. Some bizarrladies offer oral activities, some intercourse, some only intercourse, others no intimate contact but being (partly) naked is ok. Usually touching is ok, sometimes even way more, depending on what the lady likes herself and sometimes even on whether or not she likes you.

There is no strict rulebook. A loose rule of thumb is to see if the person is offering facesitting with or without clothes on. But even some bizarrladies do not offer facesitting, because they have no patience for clients who do not know what to do with their tongue. So how do you choose the perfect lady for you?

First of all, think about what you would like to experience. Maybe note down what is important to you. Do you want to end the session with an orgasm? Would you rather do this part yourself? Would you like to see the distance? A good roleplay? Are you into pain? How experienced are you? Have you had fantasies of a certain kind? To be honest about your expectations and your own sexual desires is a key part in finding the right person for you. When you do not know what you want and/or need, we will have a very hard time extracting this information from you.

Now you know what is important to you and what you want to experience. Lets move on to your expectations towards us: are looks important to you? Or a certain set of skills (no, we won´t find you, hahaha)? I sometimes hear from disappointed clients that they chose former playpartners depending on the looks presented on the pictures, and then were utterly disappointed to learn en session that the person did not click with them at all. Guys, pictures are part of the fantasy we sell, they only display one part of our personality and we seldomly run around made up like the we were during the photoshoot. Also, honestly, when I have you strapped down and you worry about the lack of eyeliner, then we both did something wrong. And that something wrong often is badly communicated expectations.

Be clear what you are looking for. State if you want a more erotic experience. Ask for a certain make up or outfit, if that is your kink. Especially with bizarrladies: tell them what you expect to happen in the session, erotic wise. See if she provides that. If not: Move on!

Also be very clear: there is no hierarchy between Dominas and Bizarrladies. We are both sexworkers and usually mostly identify as such. We specialize in varying skills and the rest is (more or less) clever marketing. When exchanging experiences on international forums among colleagues, I often run in the opinion of “I am a dominatrix, not a sexworker, I am better then ‘them’!”, which I frankly think is a shame. It shortsightedly produces whorehating and the stigma that harms sexworkers world wide and is also blatantly wrong. We work with sexuality. For me it doesn’t matter if we fuck your brain, or your body. We fuck you. And it’d better be good!