It’s my birthday, and I’ll party if I want to!

Dear friends,

Now follows a very personal rant, which I will allow myself today on the occasion of my birthday. Enjoy this little authentic insight into my world of thoughts.

Soon we will hopefully find ourselves back in normal everyday life.

Have fun!


Yay! It’s my birthday! And I’m gonna fucking celebrate it. I’m gonna celebrate it decadently with expensive fucking whiskey and hand-mixed cocktails.

My lockdown started on March 8th – the 7th was my last regular working day, after that I wanted to prepare myself for a few days before heading off to Taiwan, Korea and Japan. 7 weeks of vacation, which I had been working towards for a very long time. Instead: stay here, stay at home, ban on working from 13 March.
The big uncertainty – will I survive financially? I have hardly any reserves (the holiday funds would be burned up in a few weeks), I cannot put private deposits into a business that is only minimally profit-oriented like the Lux.
Lockdown, uncertainty, within 2 days I sat in front of the cam to secure my livelihood. Instead of adventure vacation 40 hours week with approx. 20,-€/h average, if it goes well. Whew.

The first 2 weeks were mega hard. Put everything on ice. Working, working, surviving, arranging, sewing masks. I joined a volunteer sewing initiative in a 3 o’clock at night “I’m-on-twitter-after-1-bottle-of-frustration-wine” action – sewing masks for nurses and the people on Moria.
Now I do this for 2 hours a day, sometimes with Twitchstream.

I miss my friends, my guests, my colleagues, carefree hanging around with strangers, even decadent escalations in the kitty or private are not in it.

Now I am 42 – towel birthday. Hitchikers Guide and so on. Locked up at home. Shit.


IBB emergency aid arrived. I barely slipped into the sweet country funds – so I should lie back relaxed (really? It’s still a mystery to me, what I am allowed to pay, how much of it I have to pay tax on, etc., so I put it aside for now, what is left after paying the expensive tax office bills)

The Lux was also honoured – with sufficient raw rental income until just about the end of May- phew. I don’t believe that we will be allowed to open again before the beginning of July. If. Everything. Goes. Well.

But hopefully by then I’ll have made enough money from the webcam that I can make a private deposit in the business, fingers crossed (and fucking book webcam and phone sessions!)

4 weeks lockdown.
4 weeks everything on wait.
No adventure, but hard work.
And I’m fucking happy about it. Because at least I can work. And I have the skills.
Some people don’t. They’re stuck in the mud, forgotten by us who worry about fucking asparagus. Asparagus! The vegetable that ruins every Golden Shower session for you, that’s what we fly people in for.

And today is my birthday. And it’s enough for me. It is enough for me to see how the executive likes to abuse power, how little differentiation is made and how much we are blinded by capitalism.

But it’s also enough for me to be pissed off, to worry about me, about my work, about my friends, about all the strangers we leave alone.

So I take the damn right to get nobly drunk today, let the sun shine on my plus 5 kilo quarantine belly and pretend for one day that everything is alright and I am the queen of the universe.

And you can help me do that:

Join me. Let’s celebrate, let’s escalate, have cocktails delivered tonight, call in the sun. And if you don’t want any of that, give me a gift.…

And if it gets on your nerves: IDGAF! Its my birthday and I demand if I want to!

Deal with it and live a little!


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